A walk through the alley off Fraser Street, back in The Commune days, when Husband was just Boy Roommate and looked like a hippie.
Author: Ashleigh Kay
I divide my time between a variety of poverty-inducing ventures: writing for fun and writing for torture; watching far too many movies and reading far too few books.
I have lived previous incarnations as bookseller, bureaucrat, filmmaker, zinester, student, and wayward traveller. I studied Film at Langara after seven years at Simon Fraser entrenched in English, Archaeology and about every other Liberal Arts and social science topic you can imagine.
I am very good at Trivial Pursuit.
I am related to Dr. Samuel Johnson, writer of the first English dictionary, which explains my perfect spelling and penchant for black cats.
I once lived in a house in the South Hill neighbourhood of Vancouver with six people, four cats, one goldfish, and a vegetable garden for a front yard. We called it The Commune. It was where I lived with my husband before he was Husband, before he was Fiance, before he was Boyfriend, back when he was just Boy Roommate. Life was a sitcom and we were the “will they/won’t they.”
We did.
Once we ran away to England because we like having adventures. But we didn’t like it that much, so we came home again.
I have the personality of a superhero’s alter-ego. Only I don’t fight crime. At least not yet.
Latch Keys
Sometimes I think how you remember your childhood varies with how much time has passed since. Each year adds another coat of paint tempered with pop culture and shifting perspectives. Childhood takes on this orange hue, as if a perpetual summer. One coloured with the clichés we remember from movies: bare feet, tire swings, lakes, … Continue reading Latch Keys
Is the Development Still Arrested After all These Years?
It's been how many years now since Arrested Development went off the air? Oh jeez, I've lost count. I do know it started about eight or nine years ago, and that's when I started watching. I've also lost track of how many people I've introduced it to, of course then needing to watch it along with them. This … Continue reading Is the Development Still Arrested After all These Years?
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Cannery
photography by Fara Winestock copyright 2013
Why you Probably Shouldn’t Blog With a Kidney Infection
For the last two weeks or so (or is it three? I've honestly lost count. Maybe it's even four. Anyway, feels like forever), I've been rendered helpless and lame with a kidney infection. It sucks. It really, really sucks. After a round of antibiotics, it was getting better but I was still so tired that … Continue reading Why you Probably Shouldn’t Blog With a Kidney Infection
Six Signs I have Moved Past that Weird ‘Extended Youth’ Phase into the Realm of ‘Real Adult’
1. My home has entered levels of cleanliness never before imagined or aspired to. I am well and truly becoming my mother (who, but a mere twenty-five years ago, became her mother.) 2. When I get an injury or illness there is very palpable fear that it will never truly go away. Just one little … Continue reading Six Signs I have Moved Past that Weird ‘Extended Youth’ Phase into the Realm of ‘Real Adult’
The Commune is No More
Alas, we've arrived at the end of the saga. As we've always joked that The Commune was a sitcom, let us liken our series finale to the end of Friends. Gregg and Ashleigh are Chandler and Monica, shacking up out in the burbs. But no babies. (Get that, Mom? NO BABIES.) Shannon and Jessica are still … Continue reading The Commune is No More
Am I really writing about space pirates again?
After some downtime in the first half of this year (during which I moved house, settled down, watched a lot of Community, basked in the glow of a new relationship, and forgot about life for a while), I haven't really written much. It's strange how quickly six months can pass. Am I finally experiencing that horrid … Continue reading Am I really writing about space pirates again?
And the Dust has Settled
So we've moved. My address no longer says Vancouver but rather: New Westminster. New Westminster. The first capital city of British Columbia. New West is the hipster of BC capital cities, being a capital before it was cool. Dude, we are so colonial that there's a Union Jack waving in the breeze well within sight … Continue reading And the Dust has Settled
Waiting (2010)
After all that... *ahem* waiting, my short film, Waiting, is finally up on the interwebs. https://youtu.be/wb6EXkUZX_c This was a short I did for Langara Film Arts program in April 2010. It screened at a few film festivals around the world, as well as in the (surely annoyed) faces of last year's Langara students as a … Continue reading Waiting (2010)
But Some Things Never Change
Today I culled my Facebook list. Starting out with 332 friends I made myself a pledge that I would half that number. (I actually did one better and got down to 165. ) What a strange way to quantify your life. I've been juggling the idea of writing a post about "growing up" for a … Continue reading But Some Things Never Change
Apartment Hunting as a Metaphor for Life
You enter the process with so much excitement. The possibilities seem endless: hardwood floors! 1000 sq ft! Mountain views! Close to Skytrain! In my price range! Utilities included! You do a drive-by. Walk around the area. "I could live here," you think. You find yourself dreaming of the future like it is some kind of … Continue reading Apartment Hunting as a Metaphor for Life
Conversations in my Office Kitchen: a Depressing Vignette
Tis but ten o'clock in the morning. A big meeting has just let out. The table in the kitchen is littered with snacks leftover by people with far more prestigious jobs than I. (The apple pie looks nice, but I daren't be so presumptuous as to take a slice under the careful eye of all these … Continue reading Conversations in my Office Kitchen: a Depressing Vignette
Am I the only one who doesn’t like Downton Abbey?
For such a critically acclaimed show, Downton Abbey is pretty crap. What are the problems with it? Those frequently cited include: contrived, formulaic, elitist, and cloying. But others? I think the fact that it is so highly rated is what makes this almost unbearable. Were this show just considered so-so, I'd be fine with it. … Continue reading Am I the only one who doesn’t like Downton Abbey?
Shows Dr. Roommate and I have watched together: an attempt to understand just why the hell we keep watching Downton Abbey
Shannon and I are still watching Downton Abbey. I tried to think of why, but fell short of a way to explain myself. We started watching the show because it was so damned critically acclaimed, but then we discovered that it, well, kind of sucks. So why were we still watching it? For reasons I've … Continue reading Shows Dr. Roommate and I have watched together: an attempt to understand just why the hell we keep watching Downton Abbey
I don’t even have the where-with-all to think of a good title (meeting the family, perhaps?)
This past Saturday night, BoyRoommateFriend met the family. (Why, that's a premise you could shape a Ben Stiller movie around!) My family has a remarkable way of dealing with new significant others. Mum, in particular, has a knack for staging these so-called Events. When she can't lure you into the trap of an alleged birthday … Continue reading I don’t even have the where-with-all to think of a good title (meeting the family, perhaps?)
2 Questions with Aaron Moran
A couple of months ago now, Taryn Hubbard, some friends, and I went out to visit Aaron Moran at in Harrison Hot Springs, where he's the Artist in Residence at the Ranger Station Art Gallery. We had a great night despite the raging storms and Cholo Ancheta directed this mini-doc about Aaron. (Fun Fact: I … Continue reading 2 Questions with Aaron Moran
Only eleven more months until Christmas is over again
"Douglas," our chipper wee friend of a Christmas tree, sits discarded in the backyard. Having completely missed the free tree chipping the second weekend in January, we have no idea what to do with it. I only remembered the tree at all when the snow thawed last Friday. "Oh yeah," I remarked to BoyRoommatefriend, "The … Continue reading Only eleven more months until Christmas is over again
Frustration towards an inability to find a suitable writing environment
I think I need an intervention. This post is ridiculous. Sometimes I can't even form a coherent sentence. But badly wish to.* Following a rather messy attempt to write on my lunch-hour, I found this in my notebook. Word-for-word, without editing, this is what my (literally out to lunch) brain ranted about: Lost in mess of abstract … Continue reading Frustration towards an inability to find a suitable writing environment
The Kudzu Review: A Live Studio Audience
More shameless self-promotion! A variation on A Hatred of Clubbing That Transcends Generations, now named A Live Studio Audience has found a home in the virtual pages of the inaugural edition of The Kudzu Review. Commence celebratory dancing in the streets now.
My Mum, the Superhero
A short list of reasons why my mum is a superhero. In no particular order. She wears a Batsuit. I once nicknamed her housecoat "The Batsuit" in an attempt to mock her. (It had to do with certain resemblances to the Schumacher/Clooney batnipples.) Like any person full of win, Mum turned this around on her would-be bully and … Continue reading My Mum, the Superhero
For Christmas one year I got a Jem doll and middle-class guilt
This is the story of How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate Class Differences. I'm pretty sure most of why I grew up to appreciate Marx is encapsulated in this tiny little nugget of childhood. This is the second time I've had to write this post (as I've already grumbled about). Whenever such a … Continue reading For Christmas one year I got a Jem doll and middle-class guilt
An Explanation for the Increased Activity
So I've finished another novel. It's not about Pirates in Space. In fact, it's probably the exact opposite. It's about two step-siblings who start an affair after the death of their younger brother (who narrates the story). Very strange turn to take, I know. Anyway, the first draft of the manuscript is done. I'm now … Continue reading An Explanation for the Increased Activity
Way to out-hipster the hipsters, Fox News
Much has already been discussed about Fox News calling The Muppets Communists, and that sound you may have heard was a billion people's jaws dropping to the floor with a resounding "Whaaa....aaaaat?" The headline "Are Liberals trying to brainwash your children against capitalism?" might seem like too much, but then when they proclaim that the … Continue reading Way to out-hipster the hipsters, Fox News
Why this December Might Just be Awesome
For some reason I'm actually excited about Christmas this year. Not quite wear-a-tacky-sweater excited, but actually-going-to-decorate-a-tree-and-drink-lots-of-mulled-wine excited. Not entirely sure why this is, but it might have something to do with the fact that I don't really have anything to be depressed about this year. As someone who deals with month-long mood swings and varying … Continue reading Why this December Might Just be Awesome
Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
As I'm sure anyone who knows me is well-aware, I was a Batkid. Now firmly established in the realm of adulthood, I feel some vindication in knowing that the world has reached a general global consensus in acknowledging the truth: Batman is the Coolest Superhero. Sure, he might not be your favourite (for whatever godforsaken … Continue reading Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
State of the Union: the more things change…
I know it's been a while, but somehow, summing up the last few days of my life is remarkably similar to summing up the last month. _____ Invited over for dinner with the parents on Thursday. I had been thinking this was rather sweet of them, since there wasn't anything like Glee that week to … Continue reading State of the Union: the more things change…
A Hatred of Clubbing that Transcends Generations
[liberally adapted from reality] The house was silent save for the flickering of some distant infomercial blasting through the two am airwaves: a direct transmission of nothingness from the autocorrected perfection of the studio right into Dad's vacant, tired eyes. He heard me stagger in, heels clicking away across the linoleum. Each clacking step came … Continue reading A Hatred of Clubbing that Transcends Generations
Archie… Out of Context and into the fire
So, The Commune is full of Archie comics. The explanation is thus: When Dr. Roommate, Ex-Roommate, and myself all moved in together, Dr. Roommate found a couple of Archie comics in a box of random shit she had. Naturally, we indulged in some gleeful nostalgia and read them cover to cover. One day my thirteen-year-old … Continue reading Archie… Out of Context and into the fire
Why I don’t Answer my Phone in the Morning
I got to work this morning with two missed calls from Mum. Two. Two missed calls within half an hour of each other. Surely, some strange contrivances of fate are afoot which have rendered her helpless and lame and in desperate need of my assistance. I called her back right away even as the clock … Continue reading Why I don’t Answer my Phone in the Morning
re:moved
I've recently had the chance to join an interesting project by Allison Lasorda. The Re:moved Project is "an interactive visual narrative project that features individuals’ experiences with home. by examining unique perspectives on homes that have been “lost” (whether through relocation, demolition, or (re)construction) this project aims to remove the stigma associated with nostalgia and, … Continue reading re:moved
Are television shows the new novel?
I once heard someone describe Mad Men as the television equivalent of the "Great American Novel." The "Great American Novel," as a descriptor, carries with it sense of formality and scope. By definition, it is... well, defining. What does it mean, then, when something like Mad Men has a far more expansive impact on the cultural landscape … Continue reading Are television shows the new novel?
Panic on the Streets of London
I wanted to write about the London riots but I'll still trying to organize my thoughts. This is all I have to say right now. I feel like London is a wizened old man: the kind who sits on a park bench, smoking a withered cigarette, old tattoos fading into oblivion along the forearms, sleeves … Continue reading Panic on the Streets of London
Behavioural Tendencies of Lower Commune Residents with Focus on Frequency of Alcohol Consumption
There's an interesting pattern of behaviour that has established itself amongst Lower Commune residents. It seems to start like this: Subject A arrives home following a bad day at work. A bad mood is inevitable. Occasionally this bad mood is compounded by a) Mondays, b) other monthly occurrences, c) personal baggage, d) nasty surprises, or … Continue reading Behavioural Tendencies of Lower Commune Residents with Focus on Frequency of Alcohol Consumption
How Apple Products Will Bring About a Dystopian Future
My cellular telephone is currently broken following an unfortunate canoeing accident. This means that I am not longer enjoying the benefits of an iPhone*, but rather struggling to navigate the murky controls of Dr. Roommate's old Blackberry. There are so many little icons and I have to roll a little ball around just to find … Continue reading How Apple Products Will Bring About a Dystopian Future
My Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two
(Originally published at Press Plus 1) (SPOILER-FREE, BUT YOU WILL PROBABLY HATE ME ANYWAY) I've lamented before, often at great length, about the inherent difficulties that lie in attempting to review something so beloved as Harry Potter. That difficulty is only compounded when taking into account the fact that this is indeed the last film … Continue reading My Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two
SFU Writer’s Studio Reading Series
If you, like most of humanity, find me charming, intelligent, affable and engaging as hell to listen to, then thank whichever god you think created you because I am going to be doing a reading! If you find me to be none of the above, then luckily for you there will be other readers as … Continue reading SFU Writer’s Studio Reading Series
The Art of the Upper Commune Fridge
The Duende’s in the Details
duende The duende is a demonic earth spirit who helps the artist see the limitations of intelligence, reminding him that "ants could eat him or that a great arsenic lobster could fall suddenly on his head"; who brings the artist face-to-face with death, and who helps him create and communicate memorable, spine-chilling art. I spent my … Continue reading The Duende’s in the Details
The Morning Routine with Dad
Mum took a spontaneous trip to New Orleans this past week, which means that Dad has been home all alone. Now, Mum normally gets the brunt of the memoir/sledge-hammer, but I really think that's mostly because she's a much more exuberant personality. Dad, on the other hand, is a quiet force, soldiering on beneath the … Continue reading The Morning Routine with Dad
Things I like and things I dislike… at work
So the great Joe Verde gave me one of the most awesome presents ever yesterday, courtesy of Think Geek. It seems I have a reputation with self-inking stamps. Let's not allow the fact that I once specially ordered a "superseded" stamp online just to use on all my old drafts cloud the reality here... Stamps … Continue reading Things I like and things I dislike… at work
Why my cat is awesome (and it’s not why you think).
So I've been so busy editing (deadlines, man, do they suck, eh?) that I haven't had much time to write any new posts. I am, however, an iDouche, which means have the power to record voice memos when I'm supposed to be doing better things (i.e. driving safely). In lieu of a written post, I … Continue reading Why my cat is awesome (and it’s not why you think).
Editing with a Cutlass… in Space
So I've finished the first draft of the yet-to-be-titled novel about pirates in space. Now the editing begins. As difficult as the writing itself can be, editing is its own little beast. It is the shellacking together of various materials; the severing of arteries; the repackaging; the re-pasting; the smoothing over of cracks; the varnishing; the … Continue reading Editing with a Cutlass… in Space
Conversations I have had at work
I actually had this conversation once: Co-worker: I have a question. Me: Shoot. Co-worker: *some inane question about something I wouldn't even have remembered even if it happened five minutes ago, let alone a year and a half ago* Me: *simple answer* Co-worker: Well, that's not in the instruction manual. Me: But that's the answer. … Continue reading Conversations I have had at work
Anno Domini Gallery’s 2011 Art of Zines in San Jose
The 2011 ART OF ZINES exhibition will run for four weeks at the Anno Domini gallery in the SoFA District of San Jose, California. Quoth Anno Domini: "Zines are one of the last frontiers for freedom of speech and creative self expression and we need it now more than ever." This year's zine exhibition will … Continue reading Anno Domini Gallery’s 2011 Art of Zines in San Jose
This has Always Bothered Me About Beauty and the Beast
These following are snippets of a conversation yesterday with Dr. Roommate, regarding the Disney classic, Beauty and the Beast: Me: I'd be like, "Yay, I don't have to serve you anymore! You know why? Because I'm a f*****g candlestick because of you, you stupid d*****bag!" Then I'd waddle into town and haunt people. Dr. Roommate: We … Continue reading This has Always Bothered Me About Beauty and the Beast
The Board: Day Three
Some progress. Very little of this is noted on The Board. My first act is kicking ass and taking names. (It is also taking numbers, so when it has sorted out its interpersonal issues, it will be making a round of apologetic phone calls.) UPDATE (MAR 31, 2011): It might seem remarkably apparent that this … Continue reading The Board: Day Three
The Board: Day Two
Further progress results in colour-coding and work on "structure." All this hard effort will surely fall by the wayside once the actual writing commences.
The Board: Day One
In a well-intentioned effort to continue work on pirates in space today, I was mulling over the ideas in the back of my mind of a road movie / buddy comedy. I was able to push it to the back of my mind at first, but during a quick jaunt to the store, my brain … Continue reading The Board: Day One
The Five-Pound Chocolate Bar, or, Why I Can’t Save Chocolate
Is it just me or are they stuffing fewer and fewer chocolate-covered almonds into those door-to-door peddled boxes these days? Perhaps I am just siphoning nostalgia back from the days when we sold actual chocolate bars. I was at my parents' house the other day when I heard a rapping, rapping at the chamber door. … Continue reading The Five-Pound Chocolate Bar, or, Why I Can’t Save Chocolate
Texts that may indicate an increasing level of douchebaggery.
Sometimes I think that I am a douchebag but completely unaware of it... and now I am slowly realizing that I am a douche. Or perhaps I am just becoming more of a douche as I age. Either way, it's disconcerting. These are texts that I've sent this week that I think indicate my increasing … Continue reading Texts that may indicate an increasing level of douchebaggery.
This March’s Latest Fashion Trends
If you're in Vancouver right now, you know how ass-bitingly cold it is at the moment. And I don't mean the normal Canadian cold, I mean "-8 and we start panicking and lining the walls of bedrooms with extra blankets because this is Vancouver and we are wusses" cold. But still myself and Dr. Roommate … Continue reading This March’s Latest Fashion Trends
How Awesome is Beetlejuice?
Please, help me settle an argument with a few friends who just watched Beetlejuice for the first time. They did not like it. I love it. They found it in my collection amongst other such classics as Encino Man, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and this little gem, Sands of Oblivion. I've yet to add … Continue reading How Awesome is Beetlejuice?
This Week in Triage
Triage [tree-ahzh] the principle or practice of sorting emergency patients and/or casualties in battle or disaster into categories of priority for treatment* I drive (or perhaps... drove) a 2002 Cavalier. I say he is lovingly monikered Ernie because of my desire not to ascribe to gendered naming conventions, but really it's because his first license … Continue reading This Week in Triage
Quantifying my Attempts at Responsibility
Following the abrasively shocking revelations of last Sunday's hair dye debacle, Dr. Roommate and I endeavoured to act like real grown-ups this weekend. As Sunday night closed in, the adventure was deemed "successful," as though we might be able to tick off a small box on a to-do list. "Grow-up." Check.* We both had work ahead … Continue reading Quantifying my Attempts at Responsibility
Why my Foot is Covered in Duct Tape
As a child, I seriously believed that it was a time-honoured tradition, like Christmas or Leap Year or Daylight Savings, that one had an annual illness. I was a sick kid. One year it was asthma attacks, then it was pneumonia, then it was chicken pox, then strep throat, and so on. Something different every year. … Continue reading Why my Foot is Covered in Duct Tape
Cartoon Underwear and Other Signs of Non-adulthood
So, after an interesting weekend, along with a thorough reading of Hyperbole and a Half, I've come to the sad conclusion that I'm not really an adult. I'm not entirely sure if I should append that sentence with the word "yet" or if this is just a state of being that will continue until old … Continue reading Cartoon Underwear and Other Signs of Non-adulthood
The Traumatizing Reason Why I Hate Playing Monopoly
To quote my mother: "Monopoly tears families apart." This is fact. Yet still, Sunday night witnessed a rebirth of the Rajala Family Game Night. We used to do this often as kids, perch ourselves around the kitchen table and play a good old family game. The fun was renowned, the fights... more so. What could … Continue reading The Traumatizing Reason Why I Hate Playing Monopoly
Rediscovering the Boss
My first crush was on Bruce Springsteen. I was young. Very young. These were the days when all I wore all day, every day, was my one-size-fits-all Batman t-shirt. My dad had Born in the U.S.A. on cassette tape and used to play it repeatedly in the car whenever we drove anywhere. Mostly because he … Continue reading Rediscovering the Boss
Why I own a pair of High School Musical socks
Because occasionally something seems like a good idea at the time... In 2008, my sister, Bri, and I were backpacking around Europe. We were in the town of Maastricht when, like most stinky travellers, we found that our backpacks were nothing more than cesspools of filthy clothing desperately in need of a good detergent-ridden throw-down. … Continue reading Why I own a pair of High School Musical socks
The Lost Pom-Pom
a depressing Christmas yarn (pun intended) I thought I'd share a story of my tortured childhood. I have no idea how this is relevant, but while I spent an hour of the taxpayers dime decorating a Christmas tree, a memory rose to the surface of my bubbling, festering stew of a mind. In grade five … Continue reading The Lost Pom-Pom
I Still Love Banksy
I'm fully aware of issues people have with Banksy: that he's somehow sold out. As in the fact that he is making tons of money through his canvas works, has made the Oscar documentary long list, and so on, and somehow that doesn't jive with vandalism/street art ("potato"/"potahto"). I guess it's not possible to be … Continue reading I Still Love Banksy
My Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One
Originally published at Press Plus 1 WARNING: THERE BE SPOILERS It’s difficult to offer a review of a Harry Potter movie without first providing a preface stating one’s biases. Are you a Harry Potter fan? If you aren't, why are you going to bother seeing (the first part of) the last instalment now? Why are … Continue reading My Review of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One
Thou Art a Heartless Bitch
The grieving process is a strange thing. I don't think anyone knows how it's supposed to go. Perhaps it helps to realize what stage you're supposed to be in, be it denial, anger, bargaining, and so on. But I don't really think so. I think we all kind of muddle through. There's no really set … Continue reading Thou Art a Heartless Bitch
Only the Good
I am still in disbelief. I can’t even form a proper sentence. You were one in a trillion; larger-than-life. Unforgettable. You were more sincere and genuine than anyone I will ever meet in my entire life (I know this). You were always yourself, unapologetically and unabashedly. I will always keep you with me. The stories … Continue reading Only the Good
A Tale of Two Distros
Thanks to Harley Pageot for letting me get my grubby mitts on the copy of this! And thanks to Alex Gurnham for making me sound smart! Check it out in the Fall 2010 issue of Broken Pencil (#49)!
Halloween in a Handbasket
Halloween... ain't what she used to be.... for good or ill. Is it just the neighbourhood or the changing times? When taking The Boy out for trick'or'treating, I experienced a vague yet bitter disappointment in the severe lack of festivity. I remember my childhood: throngs of children covering the streets cars unable to get down … Continue reading Halloween in a Handbasket
turn autocorrect off
the sound of the trains comes thinly hand in hand with rain shivering into droplets against the smudged glass of the window two handprints on the outside, small and light vowels seem redundant but esses less so in these days of much i have a tripleword score lined up ready to win but sometimes i … Continue reading turn autocorrect off
You can’t go home again… and other facets of denial.
Moving out of my childhood home was a gradual process. I'm a gradual process person. Not cold turkey; a "weaner", if you will. When things happen suddenly, I forget Douglas Adams's best advice.... (Read: I panic.) I get stuck in an odd state of shock only calculable as a sick ratio beyond my mathematical skills … Continue reading You can’t go home again… and other facets of denial.
Dear Blogspot
Dear Blogspot, You were like a lover. We kissed, we cuddled, we had good times. But I'm flaky and vain, and never satisfied. Thus, we're through. I wish I could say it's not you, it's me, but that's not true... or maybe it is. I just don't know anymore. *siiiiiiiigh* The truth is, I've found … Continue reading Dear Blogspot
Five AM and All is Well
I was up at five this morning. Intentionally, which is strange. I had a conversation yesterday which let me wander back down that awkward little garden path of memory to the time I came home from Europe, and, with no work for two weeks and jet lag, I was awake every morning at 5 am. … Continue reading Five AM and All is Well
First Against the Wall when the Revolution Comes
The machines are rebelling and I am first against the wall. At work today, I took a break from pushing paper around and started pushing pixels, via Excel. I love Excel. There is something perverse in the ease with which one can organise by simply copying and pasting. Need to add things up? JUST. ONE. … Continue reading First Against the Wall when the Revolution Comes
*Issues Insane Demands*
Since officially relegating My Funny Valentine to the 'done' drawer of my mental filing cabinet, I've got my metaphorical "shit" together and am ready to start writing again. For the past eight months, I've done naught but scroll miscellaneous scribbles in the margins of notebooks; ideas that have stayed just that... miserably pencilled in my … Continue reading *Issues Insane Demands*
Tell me about your corndog.
There are reasons why Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure is one of my most favourite movies ever. Sure, it's the cinematic equivalent of the least genetically blessed lovechild of a dimestore novel and everything terrible about the eighties, but it holds a certain je ne sais quoi. I literally Do. Not. Know. What. A few … Continue reading Tell me about your corndog.
Found
For reasons I really, really don't want to explain to the vastness of the internet, we have a lot of Archie comics in our house. They get shuffled around from room to room, dog-eared, chucked about; we love them but we don't respect them, like a racist old relative. Anyway, I found this single page … Continue reading Found
Langara College Film Arts Unlock the Vault
Come one, come all to Unlock the Vault, the night we unleash our final project films upon the world! 7 pm on August 20 at Langara College (100 W 49th, Vancouver) My little labour of love, My Funny Valentine (ecrit par Robyn Thomas, realise par moi) will be closing the night, following: Sparrow, written by … Continue reading Langara College Film Arts Unlock the Vault
My Top Ten Background Movies
It's nice. It really helps me balance my day. It's a distraction from whatever tedium you're trying to work through. You can tell yourself: "I'm going to plug in Braveheart and work/study/clean throughout the whole thing." Bam. Two VHS cassette tapes later and you've spent a good three hours getting shit done. So what characterizes a good background film?
The Olympics are an extravagant wedding you think will end in divorce
I've been experiencing a severe amount of cognitive dissonance regarding the Olympics. As a Vancouverite, for the last seven years I've dealt with the 2010 Winter Olympics by simply ignoring the situation, but then last Friday, it arrived on my doorstep like a an e-Bay purchase you forgot you made. Since then, I've just let … Continue reading The Olympics are an extravagant wedding you think will end in divorce
Hello February, You Cruel Bitch
February has always been that shitty little month, just sort of stuck into the year, like some form of placeholder text. Something just to fill the void between January and March. I mean, can we even consider it a real month? It only has 28 days. Except for Leap Years - which seem like a … Continue reading Hello February, You Cruel Bitch
The Decade in Film: Crime, Crimefighters, Crime, and More Crimefighters
The Bourne Effect The spy for the 21st century was not James Bond, but Jason Bourne. The grittiness, global perspective, and moral quandaries of the Bourne triology (The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy, and The Bourne Ultimatum) instantly rendered James Bond moot. In following with the general post-9/11 trends, the Bourne films did not present … Continue reading The Decade in Film: Crime, Crimefighters, Crime, and More Crimefighters
The Decade in Film: True Stories and Those Based on Them
The Biopic as Classic Narrative The biopic has always been a Hollywood staple, and has traditionally been treated as a sweeping epic: one whole life’s story. Over the years, what was once a glorification, or even blatant excuse for hero-worship, produced warts-and-all critiques. As the last decade began, we were still watching our most beloved … Continue reading The Decade in Film: True Stories and Those Based on Them
The Decade in Film: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
Art has always lit the way for the great march forward. Hollywood, purveyor of popular art and entertainment, has always had to tread a careful line between progressive art and conservative entertainment. You need to push enough boundaries to stay relevant but be familiar enough not to alienate your audience. It is not surprising then, … Continue reading The Decade in Film: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
The Decade in Film: The Epic and Science Fiction
Death of the Epic The arrival of The Lord of the Rings arguably killed the epic. Virtually every traditional fantasy film – pumped out at a consistent rate in an attempt to duplicate The Lord of the Rings success – since has flopped. Think merely of other (mostly children’s) book adaptations, such as Eragon, Beowulf … Continue reading The Decade in Film: The Epic and Science Fiction
The Decade in Film: The War Conflict Film
The War Conflict Film The war film as a Romantic narrative is virtually over. While this slow decline began with Vietnam, it only really grew apparent with the Iraq war. The war that was always seen as most Romantic, the most justified in our self-righteousness, was World War II. The Nazis are still the go-to … Continue reading The Decade in Film: The War Conflict Film
The Decade in Film: Introduction
Throughout the great interwebs are a million articles on the best films and best television shows of the decade. As arbitrary and meaningless as it is to divide human history into ten year periods, each decade’s zeitgeist doesn’t magically change over night as December 31st becomes January 1st. Attitudes and values evolve over time, and … Continue reading The Decade in Film: Introduction
The First Week of a New Year is a Total Blur
It's been 2010 for a week now and I'm still writing "09" on everything. I don't know if I will ever be able to accept that fact that it is a new millenium and has been for ten years now. "2010" doesn't sound like the name of a year, it sounds like a science fiction … Continue reading The First Week of a New Year is a Total Blur
My Top Ten Films of the Decade
There's been a lot of these lists floating around lately, obviously due to the impending end of the so-called Noughties. (Personally, I much more interested to see if that name sticks.) For something so recent, everyone's list is bound to be different. We don't have the benefit of time depth to lend an objective weight … Continue reading My Top Ten Films of the Decade
The Effing Trifle
My family is English. Mostly. I was reading an article on the Guardian on the loveliest of English desserts (subjective description, I know), The Trifle. There was even a poll: Is trifle supposed to have jelly? Yes or No? This made me think of the torturous experience that the trifle is every year with my … Continue reading The Effing Trifle
Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny – effing – Kaye
So tomorrow, I'm taking the day off work. Huzzah. It was originally intended to be a day to get through all those pesky starting-at-a-new-school things out of the way, like getting a student card, and all that, but once that was taken care of, it's degenerated into a shopping trip downtown with my sister. I'm … Continue reading Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny – effing – Kaye
The Nut-Busting Creative Process
This is currently how I feel at the moment. About writing. It's an uphill battle, with few chances for reward even in the event of success. Objectively speaking, there's little to recommend it. It can be therapeutic - sometimes - but other times, it can make you feel like an unproductive failure who would be … Continue reading The Nut-Busting Creative Process
Overused Songs in Film and Television
Pop music and films are like peanut butter and chocolate - well, maybe not quite. That implies some sort of undeniable cosmic, fated force drawing the two together like soulmates. Pop music and films are more like peanut butter and banana - still pretty damn good. There's something about the perfect pop song synchronized … Continue reading Overused Songs in Film and Television
Excerpts from an Interview with Myself
Okay, exciting, I know. Transcript/rip-off of my interview with Whohub.com (from sometime last spring). I was discussing my writing process with someone today, and it made me want to blog about it (naturally). Then I remembered this interview, so I thought I would share this instead. I wrote all the answers, so I feel no … Continue reading Excerpts from an Interview with Myself
A badly timed April fools’ joke.
"Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day" sounds like just that, a straight-to-video crapfest that you would imagine starred Steven Segal and was filmed in somewhere like Calgary. If this press release came out on April 1, I would have totally thought it was a joke.
Out of 25,000 readers, only 71 will leave comments, and 2/3 of them will be jerks.
IMDb, the Internet Movie Database, does a list (a "Hit List") every day of several different articles appearing around the Interwebs. I usually submit my different articles (the more interesting ones) that I write at Celluloid Heroes, mostly because the odd person reads through the thread of suggested links. However, today (which I, as a … Continue reading Out of 25,000 readers, only 71 will leave comments, and 2/3 of them will be jerks.
The Twenty Most Epic Moments in Lord of the Rings
Ah, The Lord of the Rings. The epic to end all epics. Cinema experienced a resurgence in the epic genre during the nineties and early noughties, which really culminated in LOTR. Can you think of anything more epic or more recent? Nothing can top it.
My Top Ten Antiheroes
Ever since Satan in Milton's Paradise Lost, there's always been a certain je ne sais quoi about a well-wrought antihero. Whether cheeky rogue or bloodthirsty tyrant, an antihero is a welcome deviation from the white-hatted norm. At once both appalling and subversive, a good bad guy / bad good guy always proves a more interesting character than the morally unambiguous square-jawed hero. Here we count down the top ten!
My Top Ten Animated Films
I watched The Triplets of Belleville for the first time a week or so ago, and, as expected, I was blown away. "That makes the top ten," I instantly thought, which led me to consider what my top ten animated films actually would be. This list is skewed towards animated films as best enjoyed by the grown-up audience, that me, a twenty-something, can enjoy without needed to pry out that Freudian inner child. With that said, maybe I am rather childlike to begin with, as I love a good poop joke.
It’s so dreamy… oh fantasy free me…
On Halloween, I managed to avoid the usual cliche of a dreary, drunken party and handed out candy with my family, and took my little cousin, Noah, out for his first trick-or-treat. Cute, mildly entertaining, not wild. Then, however, Roommate Shannon and I went out to a Midnight Movie: The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I … Continue reading It’s so dreamy… oh fantasy free me…
A Mental Health Year
It seems to happen every four or five years, doesn’t it? That cycle of personal growth. Quarter-Life Productions started in 2005 – a mere four years ago. Perhaps that’s a testament to my advancing age (advancing, not advanced), that four years seems a small speck, a blip in the otherwise murky waters of my sea … Continue reading A Mental Health Year
Film Fonts Dos and Don’ts
If you're going through the pain and torture of creating a film, it's not that much more difficult to dedicate a little extra effort to the credits. Simply inserting whatever font in Final Cut works is really just half-assing it. Let's be honest. So, yes, I can be a bit of a typography geek, but there really are some basic typographical rules that one should adhere to. Typography is an art, but one of those subtle arts that has been dragged kicking and screaming into the contemporary, post-modern era where it has a chance to sink or swim. While even an eight-year-old could pick Arial out of a line-up, there's enough evidence to suggest that apparently there really is a knack to using typography effectively. Take note. Learn it, love it. And never use Comic Sans. Ever.
